Tuesday, November 15, 2011

577. Priority Hair

We all rank things in a personal order that makes sense to us. Shopping is more fun than a root canal. Going to the grocery store is more appealing than putting gas in the car. Making the bed is better than doing laundry. Raking leaves is preferable to a mammogram.

And as far as a crucial contact at my New Better-Paying Top-Secret Job is concerned, inhaling disgustingly pungent hair-coloring chemicals for two and a half hours rates a couple of notches above spending five minutes with me.

I call up Lorraine and plead with her voice mail in my best saccharine tones, whining how I desperately need her help and advice on my latest assignment.  Lorraine and I play phone tag for a few more days. Phone tag devolves into email hide and seek.  

“Please please please I just need 45 minutes of your time for you to explain everything I need since you have done this job for ten years and I have done it for three days!” my email wants to beg at her. The editor in me realizes she will hit DELETE once the ugly words (“45 minutes”) hit her retinas. 

30 minutes.

15 minutes.

I finally settle on 5 minutes. It is a lie. I need 45 minutes to pick her brain.

I hit SEND.

The email comes back the next evening.

“Happy to meet with you! Does Wednesday at 7:19 AM work, or Thursday at 2:07 PM, or we could grab a quick coffee Friday morning at 10:43 AM.”

Jackpot! I am free on Friday.

“Yes, yes, yes, thank you so much for finally agreeing to meet with me, oh God you don’t have any idea how much this helps me, Friday is perfect, heck I will buy your coffee!! and pancakes!! Thank you!!” says my uncensored brain.

The (tiny) speck of my brain where restraint lives swoops in like a pushy teenage girl trying to score the front row by shoving wannabes out of the way at a Justin Bieber concert.

“Fri works” intelligent brain speck types.


Hours later, I receive yet another email from Lorraine.

“MOV, sorry to do this to you, but I might have a hair appointment on Friday morning. I will double-check and get back to you. The next day I am available after that is Feb 16, 2012. Crazy busy!”

I want to reach my hands though the computer wires and shake her by the long-blond-cascading-Vidal-Sassoon hair. I want to say, “Your hair already looks perfect, what the heck is your problem, are you saying that getting your hair done is more important than meeting up with me?!”

Then I pause to reflect:

  • March 12, 2000. Wedding time pushed back from brunch to early evening to accommodate my hair-stylist Robert’s schedule.
  • August 24, 1996. Job interview with airline postponed a week due to Robert canceling on me (pneumonia).
  • December 1, 2003. Hair appointment moved up a month to accommodate Robert (my new baby was born just three days later).
  • September 21, 1992. Birthday party date changed due to Robert’s schedule being full already.
I type up a new email:

“Lorraine, no worries. I completely understand.”



  1. I consider myself a low/med on the maintainence scale, except for my hair. I used to take calls at the hairdresser claiming an emergency doctor appointment. I had an every 4 week standing. I overtip the hairdresser. I own hats for bad hair days. I buy shampoo and other products from the salon.

    One summer my hairdresser took off every other weekend and it was my weekend. I blew, I told her I could not believe she would pick my weekend. She wanted me to change my standing pedicure appointment so she could go boating. It was an ugly summer.

  2. HA!
    Love it.
    -Motaki the Aspiring Falconer

  3. Oh, and hey, you might see somebody new here real soon. I sent her, don't fret. She's a fellow Minnesotan.

    -Motaki the Social Butterfly

  4. My wife and I actually own two salons, she works in one of them, and I have a difficult time getting my own hair cut. Perhaps if I actually paid it might help. I know!!! I'll swing by tomorrow and pencil in a fake name for a haircut in her appt book while she's not looking, hah!!!, clever?!?!?

  5. My mom always said there were two things she'd hate to give up - a good family doctor and her hair stylist.

    I have become my mother. I will NOT give up a hair appointment. My son recently started dating a young woman who has a nursing degree but is going to cosmetology school because she loves doing hair. I told him she will always have job security because we women will give up a lot of things before we let go of our hair appointments.

  6. I recently had my hair cut and my stylist suggested that we make the next 2 appointments. I'm ok with that. At least I know I'm in!

  7. I usually make my hair appointments (every 5 weeks) six months in advance. Right now I only have them scheduled to Dec 23. I'm getting anxious.

  8. Really? I hate getting my hair cut. I avoid it like I avoid going to the dentist. I go twice a year max.

  9. nola--glad you can relate!

    taki--thank you for Minnesota butterflies!

    esbboston-- love it. I used to work at a seafood restaurant, and we put in fake reservations all the time! this was to give ourselves some "padding" so we could squeeze in walk-ins (no res) who would tip us $20 for a good table. :) You should have seen the names we came up with. (Hmmm, future blog material?)

    HW--sing it, sister!

    couse--smart sylist!

    anonymous 1--I feel your anxiety.

    anoynmous 2 (L)-- it is not just the cut. COLOR.


  10. I only see her two or three times a year, but I drive over an hour to get to the salon where my stylist works. I nearly cried when I found out she was pregnant, because I didn't know how I could cope with someone else cutting my curls until she came back to work. Luckily for me, she decided to only take a couple of months off and came right back to me.

    Your Robert sounds like a gem!


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