MOVarazzi

Friday, October 21, 2011

548. Chardonnacea

I just found out about Chardonnacea. Apparently, I have a bad case of it. A helpful reader pointed it out to me, but I suspected all along that I was contaminated with some sort of icky (and incurable) condition.

I went online to check resources and look it up, you know, for symptoms and things.

Nothing.

Not one single word written about this horrid condition called Chardonnacea.

So, once again, I will have to be the pioneer in my field (the field is “expertise”) and do even more research and inventing of words and meanings and definitions and such, so that I can inform you, my devoted reader, about Chardonnacea.

Chardonnacea noun.: The condition experienced by women in their 30’s (okay, fine: 40’s) who have had a difficult day with their own children and so, to help them cope, are compelled to reach for a bottle (okay, fine: two) of Chardonnay. Preferably from France, or California, but Trader Joe’s budget wine also qualifies in a pinch.

Some signs that Chardonnacea may be imminent: twitching, looking at one’s watch to see if it is 5 PM yet (okay, fine: 4 PM), opening the fridge repeatedly to verify that the wine is, indeed, chilling, popping a Toy Story or Cars video in the VCR/ DVD player to buy oneself a piece of quiet.

Chardonnacea may strike groups of mothers, or it can strike one hapless soul all by herself. Chardonnacea is not picky.

Cures, how to get rid of Chardonnacea, etc: You can’t. You must embrace it, and repeat the words, “Mom’s had a rough day. Mom deserves diamonds and a million dollars, but Mom will be happy with two buck Chuck.”

MOV
(“Mapping Out Vineyards”)

6 comments:

  1. Did you say VCR?!LMAO!!!! are you sure you aren't 60?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Pretty sure I have that!

    ReplyDelete
  3. anoynmous 1, I am 24. But I feel 110. Children age you, as does my New Better-Paying Top-Secret Job. Glad I could make you laugh!

    anonymous 2, I think all moms have this. Or its evil cousing, Cabernaccea.

    best,
    MOV

    ReplyDelete
  4. I must admit, I think I have Darkchololacea. It seems to creep up on me in the evening. Darn the luck. (I am 41 -- surely there are other kindred souls who suffer from this terrible affliction?)

    ReplyDelete
  5. patty, save a seat for me!

    the scouse wife, I see you have discovered one of the evil relatives of Chardonnacea, Darkchokoleacea. I also suffer (wrong word?) from this horrible horrible affliction. A noticeable sign is smears of dark chocolate on your chin, or sometimes shirt. For this reason, I try to just wear black shirts.

    best,
    MOV

    ReplyDelete

When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)