I write a happy little blog giving people laughter and sunshine (no, not this particular blog, of course I am talking about some other wildly successful blog I write—with 100,000 followers—that you don’t know about and so you are stuck with this one, my sample “testing” blog instead, ha!). Imagine my consternation when I am repeatedly spammed by dentists.
That’s right: online dental web sites, promising to fix cavities and overbites in a single click, exalting the praises of teeth bleach (“FDA-Approved Cosmetic Whiteners!”), and convincing 40-something women that they are not too old for braces (“Invisalign Is Right For You!”).
They, of course, do not have the decency to spam my personal email account: no. They go straight for the figurative root canal: my blog (or as The Husband affectionately refers to it, “That damn blog of yours, do you even realize it’s time to feed our family dinner? Do you?”).
I do not fall for the toothy hype by following their dastardly links from their faux comments. Instead, I go to my own blog “behind-the-screens,” to the small box marked “traffic sources” and then ultimately “key word searches.”
Aha. There it is in black and white: bad breath. I wrote a three-sentence throwaway post about Tall saying mommy you have bad breath and voila! Dentist spam.
Turns out, halitosis is totally fixable online. I just have to send them a small check, in the amount of $285 plus $6.95 for shipping, and for that nominal sum, they will send me the equivalent to a trial size tube of Crest.
Ohh, but if there weren’t some female telemarketer with a Midwestern accent on the phone right this instant, seductively offering me three cases of Chardonnay for an important school/ church/ scouting fundraiser, and for the very same dollar amount.
(Marianne, you know who you are—“Napa Valley Premium Wine Source for The Virgin Mary Scouts,” indeed.)