Talk turns, as often does, to recycling. The Husband and I are discussing our final final (as in final) wishes, and I state clearly (which negates any Will I may or may not have written at a previous time): You may put my ashes in a Baskin-Robbins container.
The Husband, as has been known to do in the past, laughs when I am being serious. (And the equally cruel if not more cruel corollary: Does not laugh when I am joking.) Why does he not believe/ not-want-to-carry-out my final wishes? Have you seen the urn choices available lately? They are not pretty.
I thought for a long long time (okay, six seconds) about what type of container would be appropriate for my Queen Virgo ashes. (Appropriate answer: none.) Then I thought, Aha! A Haagen-Dazs container! However, upon going to the freezer and inspecting the plethora of Haagen Dazs (and let me interject by saying that when I was younger I thought it was “Hog and Dots”) containers littering the landscape of our otherwise uninhabited freezer, it became painfully clear to me that Haagen Dazs not only makes delicious ice-cream, they also care about the environment and make their containers out of flimsy biodegradable paper.
Hence, the upgrade in urn materials (plastic) and the downgrade in ice-cream (Baskin-Robbins).
Before you email me saying how Baskin-Robbins is waaaaaaaaaay better than any other kind (and you are absolutely right about mint-chip), please remember that my ashes will not be in there for all eternity: I want my family members to sprinkle (read: fling while trying to make sure the wind does not blow my ashes back onto unfortunate family members or funeral director whom I have never met but who will run the funeral saying things like, “All who knew her loved her,” and “She was a really hard worker,” while all my former co-workers from the high-end kitchen store snicker) my ashes into the water (lake, ocean, river, tributary, whatever) while they run through a slide show of my (fabulous, yet tragically cut short at the tender age of 98) life.
So you see, I (or “The Ashes of MOV”) won’t actually be in the Baskin-Robbins pint container very long.
I hear laughing. Maybe my full-sized bones are not quite tiny enough for a pint. Maybe a quart might be suitable. (I heard you again! Stop saying “gallon”!)
So. On the ship. Queen Mary, Cunard, Crystal Cruises. Throwing ashes overboard from the Baskin-Robbins container.
It is fitting, isn’t it? Considering how much I love love love love love love love love love love did I mention love ice cream. Mmmmmmmmmmm.
So that’s it for today. It wasn’t meant to be funny. It was just meant to save The Husband $119.00 on a stupid urn he doesn’t even want so he could make better use of that money at the roulette wheel on the cruise.
P.S. Not a paid advertisement by Haagen Dazs. Or Baskin-Robbins.