Monday, September 12, 2011

509. Why The iPhone Was Not Designed For Me

All my friends have iPhones. They laugh at me for not having one, saying things behind my back, like “MOV is Amish.” It doesn’t matter that I have uttered that very phrase on several occasions on my blog, when someone else says it, well … it stings.

Okay, people, this is why I do not have an iPhone (besides the high cost, I mean):  My fingers are too fat. If you saw my fingers, you would say, “Those certainly look like normal size fingers to me,” and they are, but the kind of fingers you need for an iPhone are skeleton sized. Think: bony.

I already know that there are problems with having fingers wider than a strand of spaghetti, namely that you might accidentally type in the wrong thing. (One of my friends, okay it’s Sammi, even has gone so far as to put a permanent apology in her signature line, reading “Plesae excuse brevitg and typos, sent hrom my iPhone.”) See, what I mean? Sammi has super-model fingers, like Kate Moss but even thinner, and she still struggles with typing on the molecule-sized iPhone.

I receive a lot of email from my iPhone friends (iFriends?) that inadvertently were sent to soon. Is this an iProblem with the iPhone? Is the “send” key, like, the size of Africa?
I will receive a desperate email like, “MOV! Can you help me? I really need to you babysit my kids this coming”  BOOP!  This coming what? Friday? October? When? Or, I will get an email divulging important information such as, “MOV, remember I told you I spoke to my brother after that big fight he and I had? Well, I was really torn with that advice you gave me, but in the end when he called back, I told him”  BOOP!  What did you tell him? Argh! It’s like watching the best part of a movie and having the power go out! The funny thing is, my friends don’t even realize they’re doing it.

So, you see, I will not be buying an iPhone any time soon. It is just too easy to make mistakes and then not be ab



  1. LOL! I have "test driven" many so-called "smart phones," because I, too, have ginormous fingers. But I find I have little, if any, trouble with my iPhone. I really, really love it, not so much for the actual phone features, but for the camera, the GPS, the ability to look things up on the fly (especially foreign words) . . . But I understand. I once tossed a Blackberry down in disgust because I could not type on it. And don't even get me started on an HTC phone I once tried.

    (Back in the old days, when we all had real keypads, I was the FASTEST text-er I know.)

  2. I don't have an iPhone either. When I pulled out my Nokia to make a call the other day my friend's husband said "Is that a phone?".
    His wife strongly encouraged me to get an iPhone, assuring me it would "change your life"...but she said exactly the same thing when we were at IKEA about a plastic tub with a cheese grater lid and that damn thing is now just taking up space in the back of a cupboard.

  3. i don't have one either. But i do have super model fingers. Though i thought i had ienvy. Maybe not so much now.

  4. You can buy a special stylus to use with the iPhone and iPad. I have one and use it occasionally. It's great. No fingers needed (except to hold the stylus).

  5. Hubs got an iPhone a few months ago. He hands me phone and says look at this and the screen is blank. Then he says it is my fault as I did something wrong. His messages are garbled, his photos are blurry and he is happy as can be. I am the one miserable with his new phone. Oh, and he is using my iTunes account for all his apps. Grr.

  6. thanks for the great comments, everyone! glad to know you all read my blog, and can relate to some of my posts. :)



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