I know that I have been very very good and somehow paid into my cosmic piggy bank when Target has my favorite type of chocolate in stock. It is called Ritter Sport Dark Chocolate with Marzipan. I think those are the six most beautiful words in the English language (even better than “MOV, we’re giving you a raise!” Well, almost as good.).
Why don’t I get this over with right here and now? Here is the link for the best chocolate of the Universe: **here** . Click on it, then come back. I’ll wait.
Welcome back. Okay, so this chocolate is divinely magnificent on so many levels. Level One: the price. Ignore that $3.99, that’s a lie; Target, my BFF, sells it for $2.19. That is exactly why they are always sold out. I buy all 20 bars on the shelf.
I put them in the refrigerator when I get home. I have to ration them.
Let’s talk about the goofy name. I guess this would be Level Two of the magnificent levels. Ritter. Who knows what that means. Is it a place in Germany? Maybe. I would research it if I owned an encyclopedia or a computer or things of that nature, but research equals lots of work. I personally think of John Ritter from “Three’s Company.” I loved him, I loved that show, I am happy my favorite chocolate is named after him.
Sport. How is chocolate sporty? It’s not. But I feel sporty when I eat it because I read the part on the label where it says clearly, “Sport,” and it makes me very happy. I am sporty just sitting here on my couch and watching re-runs of “Top Chef”! Yay, me! I could be a professional volleyball player tomorrow, and I probably already am in my sleep! That would be Level Three.
Dark Chocolate. Please do not email me saying that milk chocolate is better. You are wrong. So dark chocolate is Level Four of magnificence.
Levels Five through Nine: Marzipan. Which do I like better, sugar or almonds? Wait, how about both? I don’t have to choose!
I hoard my special chocolate. When my beautiful sons, Sugar and Almond, oops, I mean Tall and Short, walk into the kitchen and ask what I am eating and can they have some, I politely hold it up and say, “This is Mommy’s wine-chocolate. Sorry, kids aren’t allowed to have it. It’s against the law.”
Then I shrug. It’s a good thing Short cannot read yet, and it’s a really good thing that Tall believes me when I tell him that “marzipan” is German for Chardonnay.
("Marzipan Or Valrhona")