MOVarazzi

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

484. Call Me Queen (Everyone Else Does)

I love magazines. Unabashedly so. I am what is referred to (lovingly) as a Magazine Whore. House Beautiful, Elle Décor, Architectural Digest, Coastal Living, Traditional Home, Town & Country … if it features pretty houses, I wanna see it.

My little, er, newsstand habit was gobbling up my Target budget faster than you can say, “Dummy, get a subscription!” So I did.

I figure I have saved over $400 annually, possibly hourly.

Now, when I subscribed to Town & Country, I might not have been what is commonly referred to as “sober.” No. I was, uh, quite tipsy on my homemade concoction of pink lemonade martinis that I have dubbed “pinktinis” (although in my house, they ain’t so teeny). There I was, trying to think of some entertaining blog topic for YOU (‘cause I’m a giver) and being distracted by my need to subscribe to 1000 shelter magazines.

I clicked on Magazines For You Yes You dot com, and lo and behold, there was Town & Country for like, five cents per copy. I signed up for seventeen years (duh).

Now here come the, uh, remorse (?) part:  I changed my name. Yeah, I am not particularly proud of it, I don’t even have a super-good reason for it (other than that I thought it might be easier to track junk mail that was generated by my subscription to Town & Country).

My new name is: “Queen.”

“Queen MOV,” to be exact. To clarify, Queen is not written as a title (like Ms. or Mrs.), but rather as my actual first name, and MOV as my last name.  I always wanted to be royalty, and since I was not born into it, nor did I marry into it (damn you, Duchess of Cambridge Catherine!), I thought, What the heck.

I mean, is the Royalty Police gonna come and arrest me?

Turns out the answer is no. Town & Country thinks I am “Queen,” Renovation Style calls me “Princessa,” Dwell fondly refers to me as “Countess,” and Us Weekly thinks I am “Doctor MOV.”

I just got invited to my first medical conference yesterday. Apparently, I’m a dermatologist.

MOV

8 comments:

  1. Somehow when I got my phone number for my house years ago I was able to put it in my dead grandfathers name. To this day when anyone calls for gramps we just tell them he is dead. Usually shuts them up. He also gets quite a bit of mail.

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  2. Was his name "King" by any chance?

    best,
    MOV

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  3. No, it is a good stout German name. It is my brother who looks like the King (no joking) when he was a hunk. That is the one that makes us nuts, he also believes it. Do not believe your mail.

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  4. What a great idea! I used to tell everyone at work that I was the Pathlore Goddess. (Pathlore is the learning management system we use.) I never even considered using the title for mail. Get a self-esteem boost just by opening your mailbox. Awesome!

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  5. So true, Goddess Le'Ann! The "Queen" just got another piece of mail today (real estate related-- does this mean that our Queen is secretly rich?!?) and yes, it made me feel quite happy to have my new title (can a rhinestone tiara be far behind?).

    best,
    MOV

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  6. Somehow about 20 years ago my Library card ended up with my middle initals at the end of my name. MD. As a SAHM it thrills me everytime I log in to put a hold on my next read.

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  7. from one MD to another, that is soooooooo cool!

    best,
    Dr. MOV, MD

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  8. Any chance for the recipe for the pinktinis? Sounds like something that would make life worth living.

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When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)