I love magazines. Unabashedly so. I am what is referred to (lovingly) as a Magazine Whore. House Beautiful, Elle Décor, Architectural Digest, Coastal Living, Traditional Home, Town & Country … if it features pretty houses, I wanna see it.
My little, er, newsstand habit was gobbling up my Target budget faster than you can say, “Dummy, get a subscription!” So I did.
I figure I have saved over $400 annually, possibly hourly.
Now, when I subscribed to Town & Country, I might not have been what is commonly referred to as “sober.” No. I was, uh, quite tipsy on my homemade concoction of pink lemonade martinis that I have dubbed “pinktinis” (although in my house, they ain’t so teeny). There I was, trying to think of some entertaining blog topic for YOU (‘cause I’m a giver) and being distracted by my need to subscribe to 1000 shelter magazines.
I clicked on Magazines For You Yes You dot com, and lo and behold, there was Town & Country for like, five cents per copy. I signed up for seventeen years (duh).
Now here come the, uh, remorse (?) part: I changed my name. Yeah, I am not particularly proud of it, I don’t even have a super-good reason for it (other than that I thought it might be easier to track junk mail that was generated by my subscription to Town & Country).
My new name is: “Queen.”
“Queen MOV,” to be exact. To clarify, Queen is not written as a title (like Ms. or Mrs.), but rather as my actual first name, and MOV as my last name. I always wanted to be royalty, and since I was not born into it, nor did I marry into it (damn you, Duchess of Cambridge Catherine!), I thought, What the heck.
I mean, is the Royalty Police gonna come and arrest me?
Turns out the answer is no. Town & Country thinks I am “Queen,” Renovation Style calls me “Princessa,” Dwell fondly refers to me as “Countess,” and Us Weekly thinks I am “Doctor MOV.”
I just got invited to my first medical conference yesterday. Apparently, I’m a dermatologist.