Wednesday, May 4, 2011

399. Netflix Has Ruined My Life

Everyone told me how fast Netflix was, how very efficient, how cheap, how utterly genius of a concept. What they failed to warn me was: Netflix would ruin my life.

Oh, sure, it started out innocently enough—an Academy Award Winner here, a critically-acclaimed foreign film with subtitles there—but the next thing I know, I’m watching movies all the time (most are even new releases), and I’m coming precipitously close to losing my “completely out-of-touch” street cred as a mom of young children.

At a neighborhood block party, a friend with a baby Velcroed to her hip glares at me with her droopy eye-lids, and say, “Wait, how many new movies did you say you’ve seen?”

“Uh, five?” I squeak out cautiously.

“You saw FIVE movies this year?” she gasps with envy in her voice.

“No, five this week,” The Husband corrects before I can stop him.

She throws her hands in the air, disgusted, and almost dropping baby, she scurries away to find a place to cry, perhaps next to the cooler.

You can see how this type of revelation might not be so good for my social life.

My sister Oakley (who has no children) calls, and immediately starts bragging about all the movies she and her husband have seen recently.

“So guess what we just saw?” she asks, rhetorically, “We saw this great little independent movie called Somewhere by Sofia—”

“Coppola,” I cut her off, “We already saw it.”

“Oh,” she says, deflated, “But have you seen The King’s Speech? Because I highly recomm—”

“Saw it,” I say, smug, as I smile through the phone lines.

“Have you seen The Kids Are –”

Alright.  Of course.”

True Grit?”


The Tourist?”


The Adjustment Bureau?”

“Twice. You get a lot more out of it the second time.”

“I thought you had two kids. I thought you had a job?”

“Oh, you know what? I’ve gotta run. I just saw the mailman through the front window and he probably has our latest Netflix pick. We’ll talk more later.” I click the phone off and go over to greet Bayani, our mailman.

“Hi, Bayani! Nice to see you!” I beam at him, as I put my hand out for today’s Netflix envelope.

“Hello, MOV!” (we are obviously on a first name basis at this point) “How you doing this day?  I so happy you have new hobby, these little Netflix are so light and tiny, much more better than heavy magazines and catalogs you used to get!” He grins broadly and holds my Netflix treasure high in the air to prove his point. 

At least someone is happy with my new obsession.



  1. it may have ruined your life... but not only is it nice & light for handling (improving your postman's life), you may be single-handedly keeping the USPS in business! Thank you, MOV!

  2. If this is a problem DO NOT get the Roku box for netflix. I became addicted to several instant watch tv shows in addition to our regular mail stuff. Try explaining watching 4 seasons of Army Wives in four weeks. Yikes. And thanks for reminding me to add Somewhere and King's Speech to my queue;)

  3. I second Letia. I watch instant movies on the off days while my DVD is en route. And I'm talking random shows like Law and Order:SVU and Buffy the Vampire Slayer (a la Sara Michelle Gellar)... for hours. Why? 'Cause it's at my fingertips! I can't resist. Crack for moms.


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