Tuesday, January 4, 2011

287. Opposite Of Empty Nest Syndrome (Revised)

I love my children. I do. I love their enthusiasm, their gap-toothed smiles, and their sticky hugs. I love watching them run in the backyard and kick a ball. I love how they try to set the table for dinner and are proud that they could help.


The vomit?  Not so much.  Poopy patrol?  Good riddance.  Permanent markers on the white couch (oh wait, that one was The Husband).  The crying, temper tantrums, angry slamming of doors?  (Uh, guess those last few were me.) 

Bickering of siblings:  won't miss.  Tattle-taling:  won't miss.  Whining:  won't miss.  After-lights-out-I'm thirsty:  won't miss.  5 AM wake-up call:  won't miss.  Accidental kick in the chin (don't ask):  won't miss.  The making-of-food-for-hungry-people all day long:  won't miss. 

I don't mind the dirt.  I don't mind the laundry.  I don't mind the money spent, nor the long hours.  It's mostly the noise level and the pure "physicality" of small children that wear on me.         

I think I might end up being the First Mother In History (who will publicly admit it anyway) that actually looks forward to Empty Nest Syndrome.

Aack! Did I just type that? Will the Mothering Police arrest me in the next five minutes?

There was a great TV commercial a few years ago (who knows what it was advertising) that showed a teen-ager going off to college. The teary-eyed parents wave goodbye to him as he drives away. Then, they practically sprint to his former bedroom and start taking measurements for a hot tub. When Junior returns for Christmas break, his parents (who seem to have forgotten he was due home) are luxuriating in said hot tub. Of course the ad made me laugh, but even more:  I could relate.  I say, yes! after 18 years, they have earned it.

I had a long and happy life before my two sons arrived on the scene, and I anticipate having a long and happy life once they go off to college. I enjoyed Act I, I am living Act II, and Act III does not fill me with dread.

What is wrong with me? Will I not miss my children?

I think what it is, is this: right now, I miss me.



  1. Umm... MOV you forgot add a witty phrase with the initials MOV.

  2. Umm, that would be "Mother of Vacuum"

  3. I am on the same page as you! I have a friend not quite like that, and we banter about it!!

  4. Ditto! I am looking forward to discovering the person I have become (once I no longer have my son's activities tying up most of my free time).

  5. Thank you so much for writing this! Sounds as if I wrote it:-) (don't tell anyone but as of now, I really don't understand why the empty nest syndrome found its way to the vocabulary:-)

  6. icompletely understand!...i have 5 kids...they range in age from 25 yrs- 1 yr old....yes i am crazy....and although i miss the oldest one who has exited the house...just prior to the pushing him out of the nest part older kids are like bad roomates....doesn't help with anything around the house...make messes...come in late with disregard to the noise level and sleeping people...eats all the food leaving empty packages in the pantry...and ornery attitude....i am currently assessing the next child to see if his time is now to leave...dear us all...!

  7. This is why I have 7 dogs and 7 horses......

  8. We, too, are looking forward to the day we have an empty nest. So much so, that we have even talked about leaving the country and moving somewhere we could only be reached by taking a boat to our island! (kidding, but not really!!)

  9. thanks, tera, made my day. So glad I am not alone!! (although I wish I could at least be alone in the bathroom.....)
    ("Making Others Vanish"?)


When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)