Friday, December 17, 2010

258. Numerology

So I have this little hobby called “Numerology”. To the outside (read: uneducated) world, it seems very similar to astrology in that you can just blame stuff on it (“Of course she’s manipulative: she’s a Scorpio” or “What do you expect? 5’s are just gossipy”).

Oh, no, my friend. Numerology is much more scientific than that. Your birthday numbers add up (for example, January 5, 1962 would be 1 + 5 + 1 + 9 + 6 + 2 = 24, and then you reduce one more time with 2 + 4 = 6) and that number value represents a specific trait. Also, your name can be broken down into number values (A = 1, B= 2 and so on) and then those “letters”, after being converted to numbers, can be added up.

Once my girlfriends find out this little sideline fun thing I do, they all want in. It’s like I sell Tupperware or MaryKay, but without charging for it. Do my numbers! Please please please!

And so I do. I do The Boss’s numbers at work (she has a 4 and a 5 in her chart, which work against each other, so sorry!) and NeighborMom’s numbers (she has a 9 which is humanitarian, God love her), and somehow the UPS guy found out I do numbers (I blame NeighborMom) and so I got roped into doing his too (he’s a 2, which means team player).

Darling’s mom (Coach) is intrigued. She doesn’t want to appear too interested in “that crazy stuff”, and yet she keeps asking me about it. Come on, Coach, it’ll be fine: I’ll do your numbers. I can even tell you what to expect in the coming year (hard work, love, money, etc.) by analyzing the numbers in your personal chart.

I don’t charge people for this; it’s just for fun. I spend a lot of time helping other people have “fun” without me getting paid anything.

Coach emails me all her crucial information for me to do her chart: full name on her birth certificate (not married name), plus exact birthday including year. At this point (going on 10 years now), I have all the numerology basics memorized. Coach happens to have quite a lovely chart, full of master numbers.

I send her a follow-up email: “Coach, I have almost everything I need to complete your chart. You forgot to give me the rest of your numbers though. As soon as possible, can you please email your social security number and all your bank account numbers, and oh, yeah, your secret passwords. Thanks!”

My own chart shows this will be a lucrative year for me.

("Mathematics? Ordinary Vice")

1 comment:

When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)