What does all this rambling mean? Alas, in the mean time, I am so fearful that the computer (“C” for short) will die at any moment (like when the red light comes on your car saying you need gas? and you ignore it?), that I thought I would write a quick itty-bitty (won’t take up much memory, C, I promise!) series of mini-blogs on various topics that are swarming around in my dyslexic brain.
Okay, here goes. Santa. Is Santa a Virgo? I thought he might be, because you would have to be insanely organized to pull off that sort of one-night madness, but when I Googled the phrase “Is Santa Claus a Virgo?” guess what? Zero results. I didn’t know it was
Yeah, yeah, Santa. Where was I. Here’s why he’s not Virgo: no self-respecting Virgo in his or her right mind would let 327 small children (many with colds and/ or lice) sit on his lap over and over and over at the mall all day long (did I mention lice?). Could you see Virgo Santa: “Sure, Connor, I will get you that Lego set….. hey Stephanie, can you get me some more of that Purex hand-sanitizer, please? Pronto?”
Next topic: my Good Morning Notes-To-Self. Last week, “get sled”, yesterday TRUCK, and today I glance at the list and see “Caroll”. People, I can’t make this stuff up. First of all, I absolutely do not know anyone named Caroll, and if I did, I assure you she wouldn’t spell her name this dumb way (oops, I think I just lost one “follower”, sorry Caroll!). So I stare at the name Caroll and wonder if I am supposed to meet friends to go Christmas caroling? Or if I have a haircut appointment with some new hair stylist named Caroll? The Husband is getting tired of me asking for his interpretations, so I have stopped pestering him. Hmmmmm. Caroll. Car—oll. Hmmm. Oh! Car oil! Need to get my car oil changed! (I feel like I just won the bonus round of Jeopardy, “For $800, what is Caroll?”).
Last mini-blog topic of the day: Buy Everything I Say. By now, if you have read even 3 or 20 of my last few blogs, you know that I work at a high-end kitchen store (is it quite possibly the one you are thinking of? yes). I'm working many many more hours than I typically do, because of the holiday demand (everyone seems to want a Spaceman spatula for Christmas or possibly a dual-purpose cherry-pitter/ olive-pitter). Here’s the thing: the customers where I work like to buy whatever the heck I suggest. I. Don’t. Get. It. Snowman Sugar Dumplings? I’ll take two! Reindeer Raisin-ettes Imported From France? How much? An espresso maker that also will also bake a chicken? Here's my MasterCard!
I must be a very good salesperson. I hear this a lot, from The Boss, from my co-workers, and from the
Complete strangers don’t feel pressured with me. They feel like I'm being honest with them, because I am. But if I really love a product, and it's $500, get ready to part with your wallet. I’ll make you want it, because who doesn’t need a gold-spray-painted 4-gallon Kitchen Aid Soup Dispenser right now this very second?
(Disclaimer: that is not a real product. Please do not call the high-end kitchen store and ask us to put one on hold for you.)