Friday, November 5, 2010

192. Game On

So every morning before going to school or work, we have these fun little relay races in my house. I highly recommend them, as they get the Adrenalin flowing and make for a festive (some might say, “fast-paced”) environment. If we're lucky, sound effects might be involved, such as someone calling out in a high-pitched tone, “The Bus! The Bus!”, reminiscent of Fantasy Island’s Tattoo shouting, “The Plane! The Plane!” only with slightly more panic and urgency.

The key to a successful relay is (obviously) not allowing enough time. Really, if you have oodles of time, where’s the fun in that? No. Take it from a Pro, the more time-deprived you and your children are, the better.

If you and your family are interested in emulating our Fun-Filled And Exciting Week-Day Mornings, here's a simple step-by-step plan below (identical results not guaranteed, but I’m sure you’ll come close):
  • Step 1: Have child wake up, oh, say, 10 minutes before the bus is scheduled to arrive.
  • Step 2: Run downstairs to basement laundry room to frantically search for reasonably clean outfit for child (you may not, under any circumstances, have clean clothes already hanging in logical spot such as bedroom closet, ready to go. This constitutes cheating and you will immediately be disqualified).
  • Step 3: Run back upstairs (don’t forget to trip! for extra points, go ahead and stub toe), and shove clothes at child. Ignore him when he says outfit you picked out belongs to younger brother and is too small and won’t fit him. It might. Try anyway.
  • Step 4: Go in kitchen and start grabbing random food items for child to gobble down for breakfast. Acceptable items: banana, apple, granola bar, cheese stick, chocolate bar (chocolate bar is for you). Non-acceptable items: frozen peas, uncooked steak, stale crackers. Put down the coffee maker! No time for that now! Focus!
  • Step 5: Run to front entry table and desperately go through stack of papers searching for child’s homework that The Husband promised you was completed (hint: it wasn’t). Toss papers at child and tell him he can finish his homework on the bus (ignore his crying when he informs you that the homework was to capture a live earthworm from your backyard).
  • Step 6: Have minor heart attack when you see large orange-yellow object zip past your window. Yes, the object is the bus (have younger child confirm, but of course you already know the answer.  What did you think it was, a flying saucer?). This is where we separate the men from the boys, or the boys from their Mommies. At this point, it's good to yell the Mantra/ Theme Song/ Mission Statement: “The-bus-is-here-the-bus-is-here-oh-my-God-hurry-up-hurry-up!” (bonus points if child cannot find his shoes).
  • Step 7: Invoke the phrase, "Who needs to brush their teeth when God invented breath mints?"
  • Step 8: Have child sprint (thought you might be tempted, try not to push him to go faster in front of the neighbors) to the bus.
  • Step 9: Calmly wave to bus driver, shake your head and say, “Gosh, that wasn’t so bad. Maybe I’ll do the exact same thing again tomorrow.”
The above relay is even more fun if you have two children. If you don’t, you should seriously consider adopting. Or at least get a puppy (preferably one that is not yet housebroken).

("Mystery Of Velocity")


  1. this is the best game - we play it every day too! so much fun and really quite rewarding. of course, I have almost 4 hours every day to prepare for the event, but we still barely get ou the door as the bus driver honks her horn and watches me yank on shoes while hopping after Reese who has no coat on, her hair not done and her backpack hanging open as she tries to navigate the stairs and walkway while jamming in her lunch box. bonus points are given when there are cars waiting at all 4 stop signs (as we are conveniently located on a busy corner) and we have to perform our routine with an audience.

  2. THANK GOD IT'S NOT JUST ME!! I found your blog today... i was googling something else but this came up. I don't even remember what it is I was searching for... anyway, I have myself to get ready for work, my daughter to get on the bus, and my son to get to the sitters in the morning. Oh and a dog that needs let out too, and feed the brand new kitten that my husband thought would be a great birthday present for my daughter. I am so glad I'm not the only mother who sends their kid off to school with breath mints. And it's only kindergarten.

  3. so glad you liked my post. Keep reading! More fun relay races abound.


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