So Tall’s friend Pal was over for a playdate the other day. I have only one thing to say to him: “Thanks a lot”, dear Pal, for introducing my son to the concept of “air quotes”.
(You know, air quotes? If you have not seen them in use lately, let me refresh your memory. Both hands in the air, first two fingers bending down to represent quotation marks. Oh, such fun. We can use air quotes all throughout our day, for almost any situation!)
Out of nowhere, Tall was telling me he knew how to “fly” (air quotes). Huh? What does that even mean? “You know, Mom, I am such a fast runner that I don’t really run, well you don’t say the word run, what you should say about me is: he’s ‘flying’”(air quotes).
My son, age 6, explaining the concept of quotation marks to me. You know, because Mommy is too “dumb” to understand it.
“Who taught you this?” I demand, already half-knowing the answer, as Tall feels compelled to imitate all-things-Pal.
“I’ll let you make an ‘educated guess’” (air quotes) he says, grinning.
“Tall, just tell me,” I stare him down.
“My friend from ‘school’,” (air quotes) “Pal.” (They really do go to school together, so why is school in air quotes?)
No phrase is immune. Tall tells me later that something I said didn’t make any “sense” (air quotes). Then he says he doesn’t understand what I'm laughing about because it isn’t that “funny” (air quotes). Next, the cat is “polite” because she moved out of the way when I walked by.
Suddenly, Short is in on the act. He puts a scarf around his waist and has the long part dangling behind him. “Look! I am just like Kitty, I also have a ‘tail’” (air quotes) he says proudly, glad to get his brother's approval and recognition on something.
A little while later, I get to be insulted: “Mommy, are you going to ‘wash’”(air quotes) “the dishes” (implying that I don’t do a very good job at it).
Next, Short informs me he does not require any assistance from me in getting ready for bed; he can put on his own “pajamas” (air quotes) …….. does that mean he’s wearing real pajamas or actually a pirate costume?
Tall tells me he wants to play with his “toys” (air quotes), specifically Lego’s. Does that mean Lego’s are not really toys, but more a Lifestyle Choice?
Must I reiterate that Tall is only 6-years-old? Somehow, I thought that I would be exempt from this type of sarcasm for a good 7 more years, until he was a teen-ager.
Guess I am not that “lucky”.
(“Mysterious Odd Vice”)