MOVarazzi

Friday, September 3, 2010

122. Wedding

“How was the wedding?” I enthusiastically ask my friend J. who just got back from her husband’s sister’s fairy-tale extravaganza in a Napa Valley vineyard. Personally, I love to go to other people's weddings because I can internally compare them to mine. I sit there and think: OMG, this is a fabulous wedding! How can they afford all this? Maybe he just got a promotion. Wow, did I get them an expensive enough present? No, my gift to them was crap. Damn registry! Who really wants a set of colanders and some kitchen tools? I should have been more creative. Live band! That costs a lot of money. I hope they don’t just play old Beach Boys’ songs. The bride looks exactly like her cousin. I wonder if her new husband noticed that too? What if the new husband had originally asked out the cousin and she said no, and then he asked out the one who eventually became his bride. Ha ha! That would be funny! But then is the bride really more like the Consolation Prize? OR, I think: This wedding sucks! Ugh, I am so hot sitting here baking in the sun. My wedding was a million times better than this. I am not sure about those bridesmaid dresses either. I think it must be a case of not wanting the bridesmaids to look better than the bride. Well, she succeeded with that! They look fat. Speaking of fat, I hope their cake tastes good. Hmmm, maybe it's chocolate? Please, God, let it be chocolate! DO NOT let it be coconut. That one time I had that coconut cupcake and it did taste yummy, but I got so sick. This preacher is boooooring. I think he is even falling asleep with what is coming out of his mouth. Where did they pick this guy? Ugh. My zipper is digging into my back. I should have worn the other dress, the one with the green flower print. But I couldn’t find the shoes that go with it. I could’ve worn black shoes? black goes with everything. I am so itchy! I’ll bet I am allergic to the sun. J. has a faraway wistful look. “Well,” she says, smiling slyly, and I can tell she is struggling not to brag too much about her fabulous vacation in Napa, “the wine was really good.” MOV (“Multiple Other Visions”)

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