Monday, July 19, 2010

63. My Kids Don't Watch TV

So we are out to dinner with friends. Somehow we get on the topic of the general "Morning Routine". Sammi tells us that her mornings can be a bit on the frantic side and that her sons watch a TV show so she can take an Olympic Shower (less than 2 minutes) without interruption. She glances over at me, waiting for some sort of reassurance or acknowledgement that we share Parallel Lives, that my boys are rambunctious and unruly. No such luck, dear Sammi. She is gobsmacked when I tell her our typical routine:
  • wake up leisurely around 8 (never at the UNGODLY hour of say, 5:30 AM)
  • kids go right to the dining room table and draw pictures (it goes without saying that they do not get any marker on the placemats)
  • if they decide to exercise their creativity with Play-Doh, then they certainly clean up every little speck when they are done
  • if they are not drawing, or working on a Play-Doh project, they can often be found taking turns reading to each other on the couch (Tall will patiently and kindly help Short sound out words)
  • if they prefer, they can build Lego's, which they always share willingly
  • they allow Mommy to shower in peace, and it would never occur to them play a mean joke like flushing the toilet not once but 3 times because it is funny to hear Mommy scream when the water gets scalding hot
  • they sit down for breakfast right away when Mommy calls them
  • the boys eat all the food Mommy has lovingly prepared without saying, "THIS IS GROSS!"
  • they do such a good job making their beds that Mommy has to verify with The Husband that the kids did it and not him
  • they get themselves dressed (in the coordinating outfits Mommy has pre-selected and ironed) without once saying, "I HATE THIS SHIRT!"
  • they put their dirty pajamas right in the hamper, and in fact, they actually carry it all down to the laundry room (they definitely do not say something like, "MOMMY, I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOUR JOB.")
  • then they gather up their backpacks that they have carefully put any Relevant Papers in the night before
  • they quickly find an entire pair of shoes that matches and they put them on the correct feet
  • they walk out to the car while refraining from hitting their brother with a stick
  • they get in THE FIRST TIME MOMMY SAYS and put on their seatbelts

Of course this is my life, because my children are Perfect Little Angels.

The table goes silent. The Husband is staring at me, sending me a mental telepathy message of "Do we even live in the same house?" I catch Sammi's eye. She is desperately trying to suppress a smirk. Then the four of us burst out laughing and Sammi says what I knew she would: "MOV, whaddya say we all order another bottle of wine?"


("Made Of Vino")

No comments:

Post a Comment

When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)