Friday, July 9, 2010
40. Happy Place--DISTURBED!
So it was around 8 AM on a Sunday morning and I was at My Favorite Store Of The Universe, Target. I had just gone for a quick run, and even though I was grimy I had decided to forgo a shower until later. As a veteran Target shopper extraordinaire, I am well aware that if you don’t go to Target right when it opens, then you have no business going there at all. I had my list, I was Prepared. I efficiently located everything on my pre-printed Target map (I told you, I don’t mess around) and tossed the items into my cart. I was almost done, in the home stretch, when "the altercation" took place. There was a mom with three kids. She was dressed nicely, and the kids seemed well-behaved. There was a boy, around 6, a girl, about 4, both standing next to the cart and grasping the edge, and a toddler seat-belted in front. The mom abandoned her cart with all the kids so she could duck down the office-supplies aisle and grab one item. She passed by me, gave me a quick once-over and loudly stage-whispered to her son, “Spencer, watch my purse!” Wait, wha?????????? What just happened here? Did she think I was going to steal her purse? Huh? Me? A criminal? Just because I looked, well, a little “grunge-y”? I wanted to chase after her. I wanted to say, “Hey, Lady, I speak English and I can hear you! You are only two feet away from me. And by the way, I should be scared of you stealing my purse!” But I stopped in my tracks. Because I pictured the Ugly Confrontation in my head, and I pictured her being my son’s first grade teacher next year. That is how incestuous and inbred Crazy Town is. So I let it go. (I know—kinda unbelievable for me.) When I arrived home from Target, The Husband could immediately tell that something was wrong. I was deflated instead of rejuvenated. I told him my story; I knew he would be flabbergasted at the situation and supportive of me and My Hurt Feelings. Instead he smirked and said, “Would it kill you to take a shower before you go there?” Wha???? Was he taking Mrs. Snobby-Pants’ side? “MOV, it’s just that, well, you do know I love you and we are married, but if you walked past me looking like that I might double-check that I still have my wallet too.” MOV (“Mom’s Only Vice”)