Thursday, July 8, 2010

35. My Dentist Is George Clooney

So I needed a new dentist. I asked The Husband for a recommendation since he is originally from the area. He said he really liked his dentist who he had been going to since he was in elementary school. I called up the office and booked my appointment.

I should have been suspicious when it was impossible to get in until four months from now. Fine. Whatever. I could wait. Luckily, they called me with a cancellation a few weeks later. Did I want to go today? How about right now? I had just gotten back from a run, but I thought, might as well get it over with, I can just make it if I leave now. It would be a routine cleaning with X-rays and a check-up. I arrived with about two minutes to spare.

I noticed that all the women in the waiting area looked really pulled-together. Good teeth? sure. But it's not that they were super-models or anything, it's just that they'd taken whatever God had given them and, on this particular day, put some effort into looking nice. There was make-up involved. Hair looked curled and sprayed. They were the Stepford Patients. Maybe they were all going to get head-shots photographed later that day?

The dental hygienist appeared. "MOV? is that how you pronounce it? Is this your first visit with us?"

I walked back with her and sat in the special dental chair facing out the window. The decor was dated, a little more shabby and a little less chic. Hmmm, well, that doesn't really matter. The hygienist, her name was Molly, did a thorough job and did a running monologue all about her recent trip to Florida with her boyfriend. Had I been to Florida? "Uh-huhr" I grunted. Soon, she was finished and my teeth felt slick and shiny. I waited patiently for the dentist to do his exam.

He walked in and introduced himself, "Hello, MOV, I am Dr. Beyond Gorgeous and I will be checking your teeth now and gums for any indication of oral cancer." I nearly fell out of my chair.

THE HUSBAND HAD NOT MENTIONED THAT THIS DENTIST WAS A GEORGE CLOONEY CLONE!!!! How dare he casually omit such key information? No wonder all the people in the waiting room had bothered to brush their hair. All the people except me, that is. I looked like, well, like I had run 3 miles in 85 degree heat. Which I had.

Dr. Beyond Gorgeous (very professional and very married, by the way) was charming and witty. When he was finished with my exam and making small talk, he said, "Great to meet you, MOV! Say hi to The Husband, and we'll see you in six months."

That evening, I cornered The Husband.

"What were you thinking? You didn't even bother to tell me that your dentist--OUR dentist-- was a Greek god!"

"Huh?" the husband looked up from his sandwich. "What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about! I would have taken a shower! I might have ironed my mom-shorts!"

The Husband responded nonchalantly, "You think he's good-looking? Well, I guess. I don't really think of him that way. He is just, you know, Dr. Beyond."

I sat there sulking and waiting for an apology (which never came). Then, I got out my phone and scheduled an appointment.

For highlights. In 5 1/2 months.

("Might Overcome Vanity")

1 comment:

  1. Hey spammers! go the hell back to spam school and stop spamming this post with your stupid dental ads! My "delete" button still works and I will continue to delete you. No ads!!!!!



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