Thursday, July 22, 2010

67. Fancy Kitchen Cabinet Store

So I live thisclose to a Fancy Kitchen Cabinet Store. More like boutique, to be precise. Every day I must drive past this store at least 5 times on my way to (or from) wherever I need to go. In fact, if I prefer to avoid the tantalizing distraction that is this store, I must make a conscious decision about it before I even get in the car because it is literally on my way to EVERYWHERE. I always pray for the traffic light to stay red a teeny bit longer so I can continue to stare into the windows of this cabinet paradise. The name of the store is something like: "Crazy Town Premier Cabinets", and they have their own curly-cued monogram of "CTPC" and some sort of important-looking ancient family crest (it is an overwrought design involving a falcon and branch, maybe a mahogany branch?). They specifically want you to know that they do all kinds of cabinets, not just "kitchen" cabinets per se: bathroom cabinets that look straight out of a Ritz Carlton spa; library cabinets (oh, yes, we all have personal libraries in our homes, n'est pas?); office cabinets (apparently VERY different from library cabinets); garage cabinets (that's pushing it-- I doubt I would pay good money for zebra wood or birds-eye maple if the only one who is going to see it is my car); built-in custom TV cabinets; wet-bar cabinets; and don't forget the wine cellar cabinets, for when you have 35 of your closest friends over for a tasting. You name it, Crazy Town Premier Cabinets will happily produce a cabinet for it. I ogle these beautiful cabinets in their painted or cherry finish through the extra-large, plate glass windows. You can see the sheen off the marble or honed granite counter-tops (your choice) even at 10 at night because the bright lights are ALWAYS left on. The cabinets seem to beckon to me: MOV, your house can look like this! Really! Why not? One gorgeous summer day I am picking up a prescription at the drug store and I am parked conveniently next to Crazy Town Premier Cabinets. At this particular moment in time, I happen to be child-free, so I spontaneously decide to go in to CTPC to see the lust-worthy cabinets up close and personal. It is a Tuesday, around 11 AM. The door won't open. I notice the hours posted on the door say, "Monday-- Saturday, 12noon-- 5 PM". Those don't seem like very good business hours to me. Sigh. My little shopping fix will have to wait for another day. About a month goes by, and I am at the smoothie place. Again, I am parked a stone's throw from CTPC. It is Friday at 2:30, and this time I have Short with me. I cajole him into going with me to look at the spectacular cabinets by bribing him with a lollipop. We walk over to the store and I glance at myself in the window's reflection to verify that I look halfway presentable. I reach for the door. Locked. That's odd, how can they sell anything if they don't even honor their own limited posted hours?! And then one day, the unthinkable happens. Crazy Town Premier Cabinets is closed again, but this time permanently. A big sign outside announces, "Space For Lease". I hear through the grapevine that CTPC has gone bankrupt. I guess I was not the only one in Crazy Town who did, indeed, think it was crazy to put expensive cabinets in the garage. (Either that or they couldn't pay their latest electric bill.) So I wait for them to dismantle my visual nirvana........... and wait............ and wait. The store remains intact, albeit devoid of actual salespeople milling about. It almost looks better this way: just cabinets-- no messy human-beings to mar the image. Then I have a wonderful thought: maybe I could LIVE in the fancy kitchen cabinet store? Really! Why not? It is not as if anyone else is benefiting from these cabinets right now. I know the first thing I will do when I move in: buy curtains. MOV ("Maple Or Veneer"?)

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