MOVarazzi

Thursday, July 8, 2010

33. It's Bright In Here

I may have previously mentioned that I am from California, land of the sun and all things artificial. Which brings me to today's topic: boob jobs. As you can imagine, many many women in California have gone under the knife, some with great success. Then, as if to say, "Hey, look at me! I spent 10 grand on my chest!" they wear exceedingly low-cut tops or dresses to, ahem, "highlight" their newest "assets". I don't try to look, but how can you not? The Husband and I lived in L.A. for seven years. Many people in L.A. speak English. It was for this reason that The Husband and I were forced to implement a secret code. Imagine how awkward the following scene could potentially play out: The Husband: MOV! Look at that bleach-blonde. The one in the purple sundress. Are those the fakest boobs you have ever seen in your life?! MOV: I know! She looks like she has a couple of water balloons down the front of her dress. How can she even walk like that? Why doesn't she just tip over? Purple Sundress Girl: I can hear you. So, instead we came up with the fail-safe code word (well, phrase really): "It's bright in here." If we happen to be outside, we are permitted to substitute "It's bright OUT here." Sometimes we would argue: The Husband: It's bright in here. MOV: (implying that they are real and not fake) No it's not. The Husband: Yes it is, how can it not be? MOV: I am telling you, it is NOT bright. The Husband: (under his breath) Then God is definitely a man, and He is benevolent and good. Sometimes, the timing of our cutesy phrase might backfire on us and not make any sense at all. MOV: (Whispering loudly as we enter dark movie theater) It sure is BRIGHT in here! The Husband: Huh? So, if someday you happen to be in line behind us at Starbucks and we are arguing about the lighting, you will have stumbled onto our secret code. MOV ("Mammaries Of Vinyl"?)

2 comments:

  1. HA! Reminds me of a "secret" code I had once to talk about cute boys. It was all about the weather and the types of "clouds" available. So lame, I know.

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  2. love that about the clouds.......

    best,
    MOV

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