Thursday, July 8, 2010

33. It's Bright In Here

I may have previously mentioned that I am from California, land of the sun and all things artificial. Which brings me to today's topic: boob jobs. As you can imagine, many many women in California have gone under the knife, some with great success. Then, as if to say, "Hey, look at me! I spent 10 grand on my chest!" they wear exceedingly low-cut tops or dresses to, ahem, "highlight" their newest "assets". I don't try to look, but how can you not? The Husband and I lived in L.A. for seven years. Many people in L.A. speak English. It was for this reason that The Husband and I were forced to implement a secret code. Imagine how awkward the following scene could potentially play out: The Husband: MOV! Look at that bleach-blonde. The one in the purple sundress. Are those the fakest boobs you have ever seen in your life?! MOV: I know! She looks like she has a couple of water balloons down the front of her dress. How can she even walk like that? Why doesn't she just tip over? Purple Sundress Girl: I can hear you. So, instead we came up with the fail-safe code word (well, phrase really): "It's bright in here." If we happen to be outside, we are permitted to substitute "It's bright OUT here." Sometimes we would argue: The Husband: It's bright in here. MOV: (implying that they are real and not fake) No it's not. The Husband: Yes it is, how can it not be? MOV: I am telling you, it is NOT bright. The Husband: (under his breath) Then God is definitely a man, and He is benevolent and good. Sometimes, the timing of our cutesy phrase might backfire on us and not make any sense at all. MOV: (Whispering loudly as we enter dark movie theater) It sure is BRIGHT in here! The Husband: Huh? So, if someday you happen to be in line behind us at Starbucks and we are arguing about the lighting, you will have stumbled onto our secret code. MOV ("Mammaries Of Vinyl"?)


  1. HA! Reminds me of a "secret" code I had once to talk about cute boys. It was all about the weather and the types of "clouds" available. So lame, I know.

  2. love that about the clouds.......



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