Saturday, July 17, 2010

55. I'm Sick: Then Vs. Now

Pain Level Then (when you were 25, single, and had no kids): on a scale of 1 to 10, about a 4.

What You Must Do About It: Think about going to the doctor. Call in sick to work. Go back to sleep. Go to the drugstore and try to decide which over-the-counter medicine is best for your particular symptoms. Feel overwhelmed by too many choices of medicines. Call your friend who is in pharmaceutical sales and ask her opinion. Buy what she says. Go home. Eat chicken soup. Call your mom. Sneeze a lot. Feel congested. Call your boyfriend. Call work back, tell them you probably won’t be in tomorrow either. Call the doctor. Make an appointment. Feel nauseous. Go to bathroom, in case you might throw up. Don’t really need to throw up after all. Read a magazine. Start reading a new book. Feel tired. Take a nap. Drink plenty of fluids. Put your latest photos in new album. Listen to a CD. Mope on the couch. Go to the doctor. Decide he's not really a very good doctor when he says you “just have the flu”. Pick up prescription. Get an orange juice smoothie at smoothie place next to drugstore. Lounge around your living room. Watch soap operas. Fall asleep. Sniffle. Cough. Call three of your closest girlfriends. Try to convince everyone you know that you are dying. Whine a lot. Drink wine. Go to sleep.

Pain Level Now (when you are 40, married, and have two kids under age 7): on a scale of 1 to 10, almost a 9.

What You Must Do About It: Suck it up.

("Morphine Obliterates Virus")

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