My kids are making me insane.
Does this happen to you: I cannot eat a piece of chocolate (or a cookie, or whatever) without little short people saying, "Mommy, what is that? can I have some? pleeeeeze?". It is so flippin' annoying. I just want to open the refrigerator and eat whatever the thing is that I want, and not have someone APPEAR next to me, begging like a hungry baby bird. (And, just so we're clear: this is when the children have been fed; they are NOT hungry or deprived in any way.)
WHY CAN I NOT EAT A BROWNIE????????????? I feel like some closet-anorexic-bulimic person that is constantly sneaking treats, "oh-my-gosh-no-one-can-see-me". It is exhausting and frustrating and you know what? when I am shoving that cookie in my face and inhaling it as fast as I can, it is not even gratifying.
I just want to sit down, enjoy the newspaper and eat 2 cookies and relax and enjoy the experience and savor the taste without a little chirpy person begging. I am tired of hearing, "What are you eating? where did you get that?" like I live with the Food Police Of The Universe. I do not really feel like sharing the thing in question. It might be the last one, I might have been saving it, it might be expensive (Godiva chocolate) and I feel like it will be underappreciated by children. I do not want to share it!
I have come up with something very clever, you might want to copy it so that you, too, can enjoy your food without sharing. I make myself a delicious milkshake (I have to make it by hand, don't even get me started on what happens when the boys hear the blender going). I pour my milkshake in a coffee mug (are you taking notes here? because you should be). A ceramic mug. Not glass. The kids have no idea that I am imbibing in a forbidden substance such as a chocolate milkshake. They just assume (because, well, they are children) that it is indeed coffee in that mug.
And who am I to correct them?
("Must Often Vent")