Saturday, July 17, 2010

57. Doctors Should Look Old

Doctors should just look old. That goes under the file of Everyone Knows That.  Doctors are supposed to give off an aura of "wisdom" and "maturity"; I'm also more comfortable if they're grouchy and intimidating--that means they're smart. If your doctor does not look old, it's very confusing.

Honestly, I have HAD IT UP TO HERE with these so-called "doctors" (with their Stanford or Yale Medical School degrees) looking like they just stepped out of the latest issue of Italian Vogue, or at the very least, looking like a celebrity-impersonator. It gives off the wrong impression, looking young and nice.

Call Central Casting and give me someone old, kinda gray, maybe even a little bit fat. That's better. Now I can respect this doctor. I don't need no perfect-looking, perfect-talking, totally nice doctor. That just freaks me out!

Reasons I Am Freaked Out By Young And Nice Doctors:
  • It's not natural. They need to be a bit on the bossy side.
  • Instead of listening to them when they talk, I stare at them and imagine they are a doll.
  • I feel intimidated by them. I can't think, "Well, at least I'm younger than you!" or "At least I'm prettier than you!" and I definitely can't think "At least I'm smarter than you!" because, well, they are a DOCTOR, so that part is pretty much a given.
  • I walk out of the appointment feeling bad about myself. Why did I not go to med school? Why do I not go running 10 miles per day? Why was I not born in 1982?
  • I secretly wonder if they passed all their Important Classes, classes like "Operating On People."
  • If it is a woman doctor, I keep thinking that maybe I could set her up with my younger brother. Or my son.
  • If it is a male doctor, I keep thinking he could BE my younger brother. Or my son.
  • I'm perplexed that someone SO YOUNG can spell all those hard medical words they write on your prescription.
  • I'm amazed that they can spell "prescription."
  • I worry that they are writing fake things on the prescription, things like "jelly beans" that will just make the Pharmacist laugh about me behind my back and give me a placebo. A very expensive placebo that Insurance Does Not Cover.
  • Well, that is all the reasons I can think of right now, because OBVIOUSLY I'm not that smart. I'm not a doctor.


  1. I always think pilots should be older, too. Seems like experience and wisdom are supposed to come with least that's what I've heard.

  2. I agree! that is why I am 100 years old!



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