Honestly, I have HAD IT UP TO HERE with these so-called "doctors" (with their Stanford or Yale Medical School degrees) looking like they just stepped out of the latest issue of Italian Vogue, or at the very least, looking like a celebrity-impersonator. It gives off the wrong impression, looking young and nice.
Call Central Casting and give me someone old, kinda gray, maybe even a little bit fat. That's better. Now I can respect this doctor. I don't need no perfect-looking, perfect-talking, totally nice doctor. That just freaks me out!
Reasons I Am Freaked Out By Young And Nice Doctors:
- It's not natural. They need to be a bit on the bossy side.
- Instead of listening to them when they talk, I stare at them and imagine they are a doll.
- I feel intimidated by them. I can't think, "Well, at least I'm younger than you!" or "At least I'm prettier than you!" and I definitely can't think "At least I'm smarter than you!" because, well, they are a DOCTOR, so that part is pretty much a given.
- I walk out of the appointment feeling bad about myself. Why did I not go to med school? Why do I not go running 10 miles per day? Why was I not born in 1982?
- I secretly wonder if they passed all their Important Classes, classes like "Operating On People."
- If it is a woman doctor, I keep thinking that maybe I could set her up with my younger brother. Or my son.
- If it is a male doctor, I keep thinking he could BE my younger brother. Or my son.
- I'm perplexed that someone SO YOUNG can spell all those hard medical words they write on your prescription.
- I'm amazed that they can spell "prescription."
- I worry that they are writing fake things on the prescription, things like "jelly beans" that will just make the Pharmacist laugh about me behind my back and give me a placebo. A very expensive placebo that Insurance Does Not Cover.
- Well, that is all the reasons I can think of right now, because OBVIOUSLY I'm not that smart. I'm not a doctor.