Friday, July 9, 2010

37. Cheating On Your Hairdresser

How To, in 15 Easy Steps
  1. Grow increasingly unhappy with how Hairdresser is chatting on the phone while he is cutting your hair.
  2. Notice that his prices have recently tripled.
  3. Not quite know how to respond when he wrinkles his nose at your photo of Gwyneth Paltrow and says, “But your hair is not that texture.”
  4. Grow irritated when he hands you off to someone else for the shampoo.
  5. Go to Hair Cut Store and pay $15 for a so-so haircut because you cannot stomach his prices right now.
  6. Go back to your original Hairdresser and wait for him to say, “Who cut your hair?!? Did you cut it yourself?” which is what he does say.
  7. Lie. “I was in Florida for my sister’s wedding. I went to the salon at the hotel.”
  8. Catch his eye in the mirror. He knows you are lying. You know he knows. And he knows that you know he knows.
  9. Pretend the whole thing never happened.
  10. Give him one more chance. Write a really big fat check that is more than the rent on your first apartment.
  11. Walk out to your car and cry.
  12. Ask your neighbor who does her hair.
  13. Call this new person and tell her that you are “new to the area” (this is code for “cheating on your hairdresser”).
  14. Schedule an appointment.
  15. Walk out of the new person’s salon with hair that looks like Gwyneth Paltrow.
(“Make-Over, Vindicated”)

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