MOVarazzi

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

26. Catholic Sign

I drive past a beautiful Catholic Church and School almost every day--it's located on one of the main roads here in Crazy Town.  For the past six years, there's been a special sign posted in front and I always wonder what it means. 

The sign is large, painted, and made of wood and has an illustration of a woman holding her baby (not the Virgin Mary with Jesus, at least I think it's not). The woman has a concerned look on her face as she grasps this baby to her chest, as if she is realizing that babies are indeed a lot of work. Underneath the image are the words, "Pregnant? Need Help? Call 1-800-555-3434."

Every time I look at the sign I think, "Why, yes! When I was pregnant, I did need help! I could have used a maid and maybe a cook and a chauffeur ... hmmm, I wonder what kind of help this lovely Catholic Church is offering?"

When I was pregnant with Short, of course I already had Tall and I could easily have added "part-time nanny" to my list of requests. What a fabulous Church! All I have to do is convert and become Catholic and apparently some wonderful person will appear at my door bearing treats such as scones and chocolate croissants (or cinnamon rolls, something delicious), and maybe in her other hand a bucket and mop. Maybe I could even score a brief nap or get caught up on my TiVo list while someone else could be (temporarily) responsible for everything else?

Underneath the sign, it says something about The Gabriel Project. Is that his name: Gabriel? or is it a she? Doesn't Gabriel mean "angel?" and that truly is what Gabriel is if she is going to help me so much!

Sign me up! Will I have to pay her?

Whatever the price, it seems worth it. Will she continue to come to my house even after I am not pregnant, once Tall and Short had been born? Not likely.

Nonetheless, I am now convinced that GOD EXISTS if such a "Help-Pregnant-Women-With-Whatever-They-Need-Including-Housework" program is sponsored by their most helpful Church. (Random Stock Tip #4: buy stock in the Catholic Church.) Even though The Husband's and my motto is "Two and We're Through", that sign does make me reflect that, hey, we could handle a third if the Catholic Church offers such generous programs as this one. 

MOV
(does not stand for "Mocks Others' Virtues" nor "Must Obtain Vasectomy")

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