Wednesday, June 2, 2010

2. The Virtues Of Patterned Carpet

My cat threw up this morning. She was not considerate enough to do so on, say, the tile floor in the bathroom nor even the hardwood floors throughout most of our home. No, Kitty decided that her indigestion would best be relieved in the living room on the beautiful Oriental rug. Times like these, I am soooooooo glad I had convinced The Husband to purchase a patterned rug. I cleaned up the offending pile of, well, you know, and voila! can't even tell there was ever a problem!

Yes, patterned carpets hide a multitude of sins just as a cute patterned shirt can hide the occasional dribble of coffee or perhaps chocolate. Once, when I was eight years old, someone bumped into me accidentally at a crowded ice cream shop. I spilled the entire contents of my lemon-lime 7-Up float all over my plain t-shirt. In retrospect, oh, how I wish I had been wearing a patterned top instead (on the up side, it was approximately 92 degrees out, so the sudden dousing in ice cream was refreshing after all).

I say that we, as a collective community, push for patterns everywhere. Why stop with patterned carpets, shirts, and sofas? Let's introduce pattern where solids have previously prevailed: car interiors, shoes, notebook covers, soccer uniforms. You name it, I will put a pattern on it. Does not have to be floral. No: too pedestrian. Let's embrace stripes, checks, plaids and paisley, sometimes all at once. My job as Chief Cleaner of the House just got a little bit easier, oh, and what's that? a commission check from Lilly Pulitzer.



  1. Your title is perfect! What would we do without the Internet? Writing is a wonderful outlet for our dreams, hopes, musings, and the creative unconscious. You will have unlimited ideas from the best source--your boys (and your cat)! I will enjoy following your blog.

    Hobbes and me

  2. The patterned carpet doesn't do the trick for me, I'm too obsessed about getting ALL the cat puke up. I've even got to the point where I take a picture of the cat's masterpiece with my phone before I start, so I can refer back to it as a reference. (Once I've done the initial pass, its hard to see where the puke was for the second, third, and fourth passes.)

    I then forget about the photo until I'm showing someone photos on my phone, yay!

  3. We have learned over the years which of my wife's blouses camouflage Mexican food the best.

  4. yay-- you are reading my archives! you can see where it all began, and you can track the exact moment when my writing "improved" (I am still waiting for that moment).

    by the way, I know I would be in the group that would say "Ringo". I might even mangle it and say "Bingo" accidentally.



When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)